I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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