Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
