She said her name was "party"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
