the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
