Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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