What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
