Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
