I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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