so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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