i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
