Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Randomize
