I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
