hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
