im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
