Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
