Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
