I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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