Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize