Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
