so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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