I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
