So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize