I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
