I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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