i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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