I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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