Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
