The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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