So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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