yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
