Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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