there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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