I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
