I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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