Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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