she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
