I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize