You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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