Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
