There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
