so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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