At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sext me about skeletons
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize