I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
