she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
