turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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