just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
