....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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