Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
