Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
