His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
