I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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