As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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