I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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