that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
