College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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