I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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