I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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