We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
