Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
