it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
