Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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