You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize