He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
