So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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