Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
