It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
