17 year olds will be the death of me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
