I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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