So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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