I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
