woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
