he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
