Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
