so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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