so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize