I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
