Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
