My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
