I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
