Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
