god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize