I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
