So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
