I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
