now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
bring money and cleavage
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
