I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize