My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
