My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
