we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
