is your mom at the bar?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
