Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am spending my child support on dildos
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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