I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
