only if we run a train.
done.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
