i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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