I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
